What is anger ?:
The experience of anger differs from person to person.Variables like how often anger occurs, how intensely it is felt, and how long it lasts are different for each person. People also vary in how easily they get angry as well as how comfortable they are with feeling angry. Some people are always getting angry while others seldom feel angry.
Anger can be constructive or destructive. When well managed, anger or annoyance has very few detrimental health or interpersonal consequences. At its roots, anger is a signal to you that something in your environment isn’t right. It captures your attention and motivates you to take action to correct that wrong thing.
How you end up handling the anger signal has very important consequences for your overall health and welfare, however. When you express anger, your actions trigger others to become defensive and angry too. Blood pressures raises and stress hormones flow. Violence can ensue. You may develop a reputation as a dangerous ‘loose cannon’ whom no one wants to be around.
Out of control anger alienates friends, co-workers and family members. It also has a clear relationship with health problems and early mortality. Hostile, aggressive anger not only increases your risk for an early death, but also your risk for social isolation, which itself is a major risk factor for serious illness and death. These are but two of many reasons why learning to properly manage anger is a good idea.
Dealing with anger assertively :
Anger is good until we ensure we don’t tread the extremes. The things that take our toll are the extreme highs and lows in anger. Anger is often triggered by an irritating situation or a person. It is also a culmination of our deeply hidden feelings of fear, anxiety, hatred, complexity, guilt, frustration and disappointment
The healthy way to deal with anger is by being controlled and confident, talking and listening, and open to help in dealing with the situation. This Assertive anger can help relationships to grow. It means thinking before you speak, being confident in how you say it, yet open and flexible to the ‘other side’. It means being patient; not raising your voice; communicating how you are feeling emotionally, and really trying to understand what others are feeling. When you deal with anger assertively, you show that you are mature and care about your relationships and yourself.
Instead of lashing out, try communicating your feelings in a calm but direct way at the time the incident occurs is a far more effective way to solve the problem than name-calling or throwing a plate across the room.
here are 18 easy ways to help deal with your anger
1.Accept that anger can be a normal:
The first step towards dealing with your anger is accepting anger is not always a bad thing. Realizing anger can serve a healthy purpose by protecting you against continued abuse or wrongdoing. If you perceive that someone is harming you, you will likely become angry, and that anger will prompt you to confront the person or end the harm in another way.
Some people are taught that it is impolite to feel or express anger. But suppressing natural feelings of anger can have negative effects on your emotions and your relationships with others.
If you are worried about upsetting someone, be polite about your anger. Simply saying ‘I am angry’ will do far more than keeping it bottled up.
2.Find out the reasons for your anger:
If you are getting angry at the same things everyday and too often .Make a list of the most likely things that make your blood boil.Sit down and make a list of the things that are most likely to infuriate you.This can help you avoid anger these situations when they arise again or, when that’s not possible, know what steps you should take to soothe your angry feelings.
3.Find Solutions for your anger :
Every time you feel angry about something try to slow down for a minute and gain perspective of the reasons behind your anger .Always have the mindset of finding solutions what needs to be done .Do not think over the issue that is making you angry again and again but rather look at anything that can be done to fix the situation .Finding the solution and defusing the reason for your anger can help you get out of the stressful situation in a positive way .
4.Let go your anger :
when you are not able to find solutions immediately , it can be sometimes frustrating and can drive you nuts.At those moments just accept the fact that there’s nothing you can .How much ever you try you simply aren’t going to be able to solve the problem immediately .So you need to figure out how to move past it either to a few minutes or put it to rest until it can be solved in the future .Otherwise you might hurt yourself or lash out your anger out on someone who doesn’t deserve i
5.Calm your senses :
One way to cool down is to try relaxation techniques in the moment.Dont get lost in the moment’s heat .Rather gather yourselves and stay calm as much as possible so that you can focus on actually solving the problem rather than further complicating it
Find what works best for you, whether it’s taking deep breaths from the diaphragm, giving yourself a “time out” and going for a walk, playing soothing music or another strategy.Always remember any outburst of your emotions won’t fix whatever is making you angry, and it may end up making the situation worse.So it is always important not to stress out and just stay chill.
When you feel angry about something, it’s almost impossible to deal with the situation in a productive or helpful way. If you feel yourself losing your cool, just walk away from the situation for a while. You’ll deal with it better when everyone, yourself included, is feeling calmer .
Visualize peace :
every time you get tempered try to visualize peace in your mind .Imagine and flash memories and images that will make you feel calmer .It can anything from the things you like to nature etc., just bring in them in your thoughts which will help you feel happy and calm down to a great extent.
6. Empathize:
Empathy is something that makes us think more logically about the situation except that it’s more intuitive. Empathizing means living in the skin of someone else. Empathizing is an antidote to anger, because it’s hard to condemn someone if you really understand where they’re coming from.
Anger almost always involves an inability to get the person you’re angry at. It stems from a failure to understand them. This is why so much anger is expressed verbally in statements of apparent astonishment or perplexity.
There are two sides to every argument, and although most people would agree to this, not everybody will consider it when they’re actually embroiled in a dispute.To avoid this ,try to consider things from a different point of view, specifically that of the person you are arguing with.
In many cases, arguments start out as misunderstandings.It begins with one person believing in one thing and another person believing something else . This is where your listening skills and ability to empathise come in.Thus it becomes essentially very important to put yourself in their shoes.Also remember .understanding your own anger will also allow you to understand the anger of others which is also an important part of empathizing anger .
7.Think before you speak :
Words are powerful things; they shape our reality of our self-image. The right words can always avoid situations of anger and confrontationand the wrong words can wreak absolute havoc during a conversation,As a Thirukkural by Thiruvalluvar says”Even wounds created by fire heals but the wounds created by our tongues never heal ”
Even though your feelings of anger are most likely normal and probably reasonable enough, it does not necessarily validate a decision to react aggressively towards others.
Using factual, polite and non-inflammatory statements can help to diffuse a situation, as can the subtle replacement of accusations with questions.Your words will help to determine what a person thinks of you, so if you speak clearly and ask questions, you can often find a peaceful resolution to a potentially explosive situation.Thus it is always important to listen,think and then react according to the situations at all times .
8.Avoid critizicing others :
When you call other people out for what they did wrong, they will immediately close up and get defensive. Stick with ‘I’ statements instead, such as “I’m upset that you made plans without including me,” rather than, “You never invite me anywhere with you.” By accusing people directly, you will find that the conversation quickly turns into a battle of the egos rather than a rational, mature discussion of feelings.
Talk about how you feel without holding other people responsible for your emotions. Indeed, they will have more understanding and probably admit to their mistakes if you don’t come off too aggressively.
9.Make happiness a priority :
Throughout life we will have moments of higher levels of stress and lower levels of happiness; the key to being a happier person is realizing that positive feelings will ebb and flow and turning to your happiness toolbox for help.
Happiness is based on a number of factors, some we are in control of and others that are circumstantial. But if you prioritize the practice of happiness, you will inevitably experience happiness.
Concentrating on the good things in your life is an easy way to increase your happiness. Think about past experiences, future goals or plans and savor the moment
10.Don’t hold a grudge:
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
11.Use humor to release tension:
Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
12.Patience is the key :
“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Anger is a direct consequence of losing your patience .When we lose our patience we bypass our emotional intelligence and go over drive .Every individual has a tipping point of patience beyond which he gets angry .
Often, our first reaction to a problem is an emotional one, but emotional solutions rarely solve problems. What is required is clear, balanced thought to manage our anger .
Practice patience every day. You can do this by reading more, planting something to watch it grow, cooking from scratch, collecting something one piece at a time, building models, or finding a creative hobby such as drawing, painting or learning to play a musical instrument.Any or all of these activities will help you to become a more patient person and keep your anger under control.
13.Get your facts straight:
Angry people often display a bias toward interpreting others’ behavior as hostile, deliberate, or nasty, even when they lack the information to really be sure. They’re occasionally right, of course, but very frequently they’ve gotten something wrong, or taken it the wrong way.
To reduce your anger always take a moment and make sure you’ve got all your facts straight. Are you sure the acquaintance who passed you by really snubbed you and didn’t just not see you.Always feel they are innocent until proven guilty. This little habit alone can save you a lot of unnecessary grievances.
14.Write down your thoughts and emotions:
You can write things in lots of ways; for example, in a journal or as your own poetry or song lyrics. After you’ve written it down, you can keep it or throw it away — it doesn’t matter. The important thing is, writing down your thoughts and feelings can improve how you feel. When you notice, label, and release feelings as they show up in smaller portions, they don’t have a chance to build up inside.
15.Self reflection is important :
Whenever you feel angry .After the situation ends and you get get back to normal ,Spend some time alone and reflect on the reasons you got angry .Think if it was worth to get angry or whether it had any useful impact to resolve the situation .If you feel that the anger and argument was counterproductive and not constructive ,then never get angry in similar situations again .
Self reflection will always let you see things more clearly .But at the same time you should make sure you do not overthink .Instead you must learn to forget everything for the moment and forgive people if the mistake is one the other side .
16.Do activities that relax you:
In order to ease out the stress you can involve yourself in activities that change your focus and reduce your anger and stress .Some of the activities you can carry out are
- Listening to music
- Meditation
- Relaxing your body
- Drinking water slowly
- Getting some fresh air
- Having a centering object
- Taking a shower
- Having a power nap
- Play a game
- Take a short ride
17.Get enough sleep at night:
Most adults need at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night to thrive.Being sleep deprived can contribute to a wide range of health problems, including the inability to manage emotions properly. Getting adequate sleep can improve your mood and lessen your anger.
If you have chronic sleep problems, consult your physician. You may be able to make dietary or lifestyle changes to improve your sleep. You may also be able to try herbal or medicinal supplements to sleep more.
18.Get help and advice :
Learning to healthfully manage your anger is a process that happens more quickly for some than for others. If you feel that your anger gets overwhelming or if it’s causing you to hurt yourself or those around you seek help outside .
Talk to people you trust the most and share your problems with and hear to what they have to say .
Talk to your doctor to get a referral to a psychiatrist. A trained counselor can help you find a treatment plan that’s right for you.These treatments can help you identify your anger triggers and how to best deal with them.Even taking some anti-anxiety medication if overwhelming stress levels cause your anger helps at times .
The bottom line :
Anger is a common and useful emotion everyone experiences. It’s also possible for anger to become overwhelming and cause problems sometime.Humans have to deal with different emotions and moods everyday .they go through this cycle of emotions all through the day and most of the times like to remain happy .
The people we spend our time with ,our surroundings ,our work and other factors determine what is natural response to things that challenge us mentally .We all know everyone of us get angry at some time of the day .So lets accept and embrace the fact that it is very natural to get angry and learn to handle the emotion in a better way for more positive outcomes in life .
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